mail

Life Beyond Therapy

Old on the outside

Posted: April 14th, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy Recently, a client told me: “I feel old on the outside, but so young on the inside. Why doesn’t anyone see this or understand? I am just learning (in my mid-60s) how to enjoy myself and not worry about what other people think of me. I’m finally learning how to have fun. “That is my inner experience. My outer experience is that I am treated like an unattractive, uninteresting […]

Read More

Squeeze the toothpaste (just a little)

Posted: March 31st, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

Dear Michael: I am writing to you because I want to get some therapy, but I’m afraid to. I am a middle-aged lesbian with a great girlfriend who loves me and tells me so on a regular basis. I have a job I like (most of the time, anyway) and a solid circle of friends. What’s my problem? I have so much baggage from my past that I think if I ever started to address […]

Read More

My peace does not lie in the world

Posted: March 17th, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy How do you find peace of mind? With so many difficult people and situations in our lives, how do we not just lose it over and over again? After pursuing peace through many means over the past several decades, I have learned some things that have become practical tools for me. I’d like to share some of them here with you.

Read More

Are you Type A, B, C or D?

Posted: February 17th, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy Haven’t you heard people say, “Oh, I’m such a Type A personality” or “You’re such a Type B person”? High-achieving folks often brag how Type A they are: “Oh, I can’t help it, I’m such a workaholic.” And Type Bs like to remind you how mellow they are. But did you know that there are also Types C and D personalities?

Read More

How to forgive

Posted: February 3rd, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy Just in time for Valentine’s Day, that day when many of us remember the men and women who hurt us, broke our hearts or “done us wrong,” I offer you some ideas on how to forgive those who have hurt you. I was inspired to write this after reading Colin Tipping’s terrific book, “Radical Forgiveness.” I’d like to share with you my version of forgiveness, which although is inspired […]

Read More

January is ‘divorce month’

Posted: January 20th, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy I didn’t make this up. I was reading a professional journal and this was mentioned in an article on counseling couples. They didn’t explain why, so I did a little research of my own to see if they just put this in the article to get my attention or if there really is some truth to it.

Read More

Real change

Posted: January 6th, 2017 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel

Every year, around this time, clients ask me: How can I make this new year better? How can I make real changes in my life? How can I be less stressed out? Less lonely? Make more money?

I can’t promise answers to all your desires, but I’d like to use this column to suggest how you can make changes that really last, leaving maladaptive old habits behind.

Read More

A numb new year?

Posted: December 23rd, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

Life Beyond Therapy | Michael Kimmel Why do we numb ourselves? What is it we don’t want to feel? Is it so bad to “take the edge off”? Of course not, but how do you get there? Do you need something external (drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping) to make you feel better, or is there a way to get there on your own?

Read More

All I want for Christmas is the perfect relationship

Posted: December 9th, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy As Christmas nears, many of my single clients want Santa to bring them the “perfect relationship” and leave it under the tree (nicely wrapped, of course). As a psychotherapist, I am happy to play cupid, but I insist on being a cupid based in reality. In this column, I’ll include questions you can ask yourself to increase the likelihood of finding that perfect woman/man under your Christmas tree.

Read More

Feeling Safe

Posted: November 15th, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy This is not the column I expected to write this week. I did not expect to awaken with dread the morning after the recent election. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face a world where Donald Trump was the president-elect. I was scared of what would happen. I didn’t feel safe.

Read More

Calling fear by its name

Posted: November 11th, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy A key ingredient of a happy life is how you handle fear. Fear is inevitable — it’s a part of life — so what are we going to do with our fear? Most of us are neither encouraged to identify our fears nor are we encouraged to ask for help in working with them.

Read More

Why I’m an optimist

Posted: October 28th, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

By Michael Kimmel | Life Beyond Therapy You might think with so much ugliness, cruelty and fear in the world, that optimism would be foolish or naïve. Nope. The ugliness has always been there, but now, it’s all out there for everyone to see it. These days, the ugliness is coming out of the closet.

Read More

The PTSD experience

Posted: October 14th, 2016 | Columns, Featured, Life Beyond Therapy | No Comments

Life Beyond Therapy | Michael Kimmel In the world of psychology, PTSD — post-traumatic stress disorder — is how doctors describe the experience of recovering from trauma. Created in 1980, the term was used to describe soldiers coming back from war: These men and women had often killed people and watched their friends die. Extremely traumatic, right? I would like to posit a slightly different definition of PTSD.

Read More